Letting Go

i came in with feelings i've never felt before, and i got out with equal magnitude of feelings, only they've flipped 180 degrees. With other guys, I moved on pretty fast. It hurt, sure, but with one guy after another, I didn't look back. I thought there was something wrong with me. I seemed to be fickle with my emotions, to be unsure of what I want and not take the risk in the end. But I know now, that i'm not like that. Not when the person does really mean something to me. My emotions and feelings didn't change this time around. But unfortunately, his did. All my life, I tended to push guys away subconciously, but deep down, I guess I was always hoping for someone to hold my hand and not let go. I was hoping that they'll think it's worth it to hold on and try to break down the wall. But this time, I never even thought about pushing him away. I felt he was different. I felt a connection, a feeling I've never had before with other guys. I saw something in him that I didn't see in the other guys. I thought i saw something in his eyes that told me that he'd stay, even if it meant for a bit until circumstances allowed it otherwise. Or...at least I thought I did. He seemed different, one of those good guys you could put yourself out there and know that he'd be there for you. I thought something was there between us, that i could trust him not to hurt me. But the spark died, didn't it... Why do feelings change so quickly? Why does it have to hurt so much. I was pushed away, and I thought it was worth hanging on. But he won't let me.


"I took my chance when I kissed you at the cliffs."