So after tonight, I realized something.

I realized that I deserve so much more. Whatever shit you're trying to tell me has only proved to be your twisted way of making me feel guilty. And you know what, for a while, I believed you. I thought maybe I never learned from my past relationship. That perhaps, you were right all along. But I'm tired of you making me feel like the shitty girlfriend you made me believe that I am. I've tried. You said you wanted things to change. And I said I wanted things to change. We agreed to compromise. And guess what? After tonight, where the fuck were the compromises. Did you expect something. I'm sorry about the situation, but I'm not apologizing to you. Because it was not my damn fault. How fucking immature can you get. Have some consideration.

Time and time again, people have told me that you were never good for me. Those who care have come up to me and told me straight out that I deserved better. That I needed to find someone who would not end up making me feel like shit every other second of the damn day. And time and time again, I would tell them that I knew what I was doing. That it was worth being with you. But now, I'm beginning to realize that maybe they're right. That maybe I was fighting a lost cause. That maybe I really did not know what I was doing. I wanted to prove to them that they were wrong, and that it was worth fighting for. And I would want more than anything for you to prove them wrong as well. But so far, you've only helped prove them right each time.

"I really like you." Well, why don't you say that honestly for once, instead of having your fucking dick saying that for you everytime. Whatever happened to compromises? Yeah, just fuck that shit. Don't matter. It was all talk.

3:35 AM.

I'm blogging, ftw!

My last update was like, in the summer. How unfortunate. A whole fall quarter goes unblogged once again! Now how am i going to update the last three months of my life in one sentence..

Once upon a breezy cold winter morning,
mMm.. Merry be-lated Christmas? =)



Maybe I should start updating about my day. Perhaps, years later, I can read this and recall exactly what I did on December 27th, 2oo8.

So! I woke up (that's a given). Ate a satisfying breakfast, and started recording a video clip for Ellen's rush video about why I joined Sigma Omicron Pi (so that means I will be on film at our next rush slideshow, suh-weet). Texted Patrick, but he never really responded to my last text. Oh well...I guess. =/ Cleaned my room all morning, feeling rather bored and kinda perplexed.

Then...the spontaneity begins with john picking me up to go to Frys and Costco...which led to southcoast with Vivian and Nichole...and ditching Pho restaurant due to a void discount of "50% off Pho Ga"...

...which THEN capped the random night with a spontaneous trip to Huntington beach, discovering a resort / spa nearby, warming ourselves next to the mini bonfire, and dancing in the parking lot. Oh, and doing certain public indecency in the sand (no worries, nothing sexual...more along the line of, "you gotta do what you gotta do") If you don't understand what I'm talking about, don't worry about it. If you do, good job. And see? Nothing dirty or sexual =)

Afterwards, we all headed back to the comfort of our cozy beds at 1-ish am. What a fantastic night, I must say!

Fun times ♥

Yay, I guess this update should make up for my MIA status for the while. =)



>> vegas trip pix =)


Vegas: free Paris Hotel weekend
Courtesy of my boss (Dr. Bui)'s christmas gift
to each of his employee. ;-)


me, vivian, dustin, nichole, john.



Aren't we SO cute. =)



This could look potentially dirty.




good night. =)