Phew.

Okay. After scrambling around my room for an hour or two, decorating every corner and wall, I now feel all pooped out. Disappointedly enough, there's still quite a heap of clutter here and there. It's an organized chaos! I can feel around and know exactly where things are, but I still gotta make my way through the maze of suitcases and clothes lying around. Packing for San Diego while remodeling my room simultaneously was not the greatest idea after all...*smacks forehead* Oy..




Looking around, I guess my room pretty much reflects my life as of right now. Like I mentioned before, everything's an organized chaos. I know what I'm doing now: focusing on working full-time and making them monies while balancing out my time with my family and friends back home. Yet, my future is all fogged up! I don't know where I'm heading. I don't know what obstacles I must face this year. I don't know if fall quarter will be smooth sailing into winter and spring. I don't know how I will deal with the impending stress. My school schedule is a mess as of right now. My pursuit to become a Pediatrician seems more hopeless and discouraging. Those bumps I endured this year have affected me in ways I never expected. Yet, I still managed to pick myself up and keep going. But I've left such a sad mess behind. I need to clean up the loose ends and cluttering thoughts that have flipped my optimism 180 degree into the negative zone. I need to be strong. I need to focus. I need to concentrate on myself, do some soul-searching.



So, what am i doing with my life here?!


I need a sign.
I need to re-decorate my life.





...God, where are you? :(

I've seen the tears they cry
When it's time for goodbye--
I didn't want to be the one
who's asking why.
I didn't think that I would ever feel so strong,
but now I know that I was wrong.

but,
Who needs to feel that way?
Who needs those words to say?
Who wants to give their heart ,
To watch it fade away.
Cause I made up my mind;
I didn't want to know.
Why should I find the love that isn't here to stay?





everything seems like nothing but a faded dream now.
hohum.
__________________________


Hi.

It's rather ridiculous how I constantly have a million thoughts twirling through my head, weaving their ways forward and back until they all become one amazing tangle of a web. And yet, when I finally decide to sit down on my bed to blog about a handful of these annoying little buggers, I get so tongue-tied. To make matters worse, these little buggers would run and hide in those little dumb holes they've conveniently dug for themselves until the light turns off. Right when my eyes shut, they'd gleefully pop out once more and begin their endless twirls around the oh-so-tired-that-i'm-ready-to-explode head of mine again until morning.

Repeat.


My mom and Little bro @ San Diego Viewpoint.


Ugh, how annoying. I'm tired of thinking. Lets just have some fun! =)


But what fun? It's all work and no play. =( Heh, just kidding. Some play is allowed. Yet, i find that as I get older, my years seem to yawn and stretch themselves even moreso. Certain things no longer have their sparks. Kinda bland, if you ask me. Friendships become more difficult to hold onto. People got things to do, and new friends to see. Or, things to see, and new [insert gender] to do. Heh.

Work is actually a refreshing time for me. I find myself comfortably drowning in tons of paperworks, files, claims, bills, phonecalls, and xray films throughout the day. Which is surprisingly...well, nice. Regardless of how I complain about waking up early and working 8-9 hours straight, work still keeps me distracted from those annoying strays of thoughts nonetheless. Something I'm grateful for. =)


bloop.